Compensation For Wives Causes TwitterNg Storm

TwitterNg is the home of  Twitter drama, it also famous for perennial gender wars; it was still unprepared for the Storm following the thread by Ozzyetomi asking men to pay their wives, this one was huge.

In a series of tweets–a thread, of you will– Ozzyetomi explained how unfair it was for women to sacrifice for the home for years and have nothing to show for it at the end, especially when married to relatively well off men.

 

After that, the battle began.

Responses were sharp and silly, affirmative and scornful, dissenting and supportive

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As usual, there was no consensus on the matter at the end of the day. Many people felt it was an absurd patronising idea.

 

While many other felt it was not even enough and asserted that every partner should have equal access to all family funds.

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While the term ‘salary’ has been an object of debate and ridicule, (Ozzyetomi later recanted the term), most people agree that women have historically been under compensated for their roles in the home. This was especially poignant in the light of a study by Welch’s that showed being a full time house wife was the equivalent of two full time jobs. Of course there was snark about that, someone asked which jobs allow you to be in pyjamas and stay on the phone all day. That, was swiftly rebuffed with a long list of jobs one can do that don’t care what you wear or how long you are on the phone.

So the science shows that being a housewife is work and most people agree they should be compensated but many men are still resistant to the idea and many women too.

Questions have been raised about ‘salary structure’ ‘promotions’ ‘hiring additional hands’ and so on. But while many quibble over the terminology–upkeep, salary, allowance, pay– it is undeniable that many women deserve more from their well off husbands. Any woman ( or human for that matter) who sacrifices for the home should be compensated from income that comes to the family. Even in the midst of the ruckus, one thing that cannot be denied is that women have traditionally and historically cheated and this should change. Marriages should be a union of two people to be stronger, better, and happier not a means to oppress and kill people’s dreams. Even if your partner works, if you are better off, you should contribute to make them comfortable too. And if you are a full time caree for your home, you need to plan for your welfare.

Some ways to do this include:

1. Talk finance with your fiancé. Know what you both earn now and are looking to earn in future. Agree on who will be the primary source of income and how the family finances will be structured. If you want a salary, talk about it.
2. Be very aware of the wording in documents. For example, don’t allow an agreement state Mr and Mrs Obasanjo. There may be a million Mr Obasanjo’s, make sure your first (and possibly second name is reflected).
3. If you earn much more than your spouse and they spend most of their time taking care of the home, endeavour to split your pay with them.
4. If you feel unfairly treated, speak up.
5. If you are at home, explore ways to improve your financial intelligence and stability (study, savings, investments, remote jobs, training).
6. Always keep an eye on the future: if you can’t work, maybe you can study; if not at a full time program, maybe distance learning or online.
7. Keep looking out for yourself, don’t give up on yourself, take good care of you, always.
Cheers🍸

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The Things Between Our Legs

Young man,
I sit by the midwife’s couch
And wait for you to show me where your superiority was born.

I want to see when you became more equal,
to hold it and smell it.
To wrap it around myself.

I want to be taught the maths of worth.
How a human is made invisible, how a woman disappears,
how oppression evolves, how sacrifice is undone.

Could it be when I carried your father for inside me for nine long months?
Weathering Morning sickness, Malaria, Anaemia and HIV?

Or was it while I walked two kilometres without food or water through a pain that defies words to squat on this couch and push you out?

It can’t be while I nursed you at my breast,
Fed you from my body for twenty four.

Aha! It was when you became a man.

When you no longer needed a napkin change,

When you learnt how to blow your nose,

When my pots were empty and my grain had fed you fat,

When your muscles rippled as you walked,

When you were old enough to work, and you had discovered the thing between your legs could put urine in bottles,

And forgot the thing between mine had borne you.

The Gender Conversation I

This is harder to write than I thought. My head says this topic is over-flogged. My heart disagrees.

Head: What do you think you are going to say that has not been said already?

Heart: Nothing. Really. But maybe I can help one more person look at things differently. Maybe I can help myself look at things differently.

Head: And that will achieve?

Heart: Nothing. But perhaps it will give someone hope. Perhaps it will help someone up.

Head: How?

Heart: By helping them see–

Head: See what

Heart: That gender equality is not something to be fought for.

Head( gasps and glares) : Tell me something.

Heart: That is what I am trying to do. I don’t see men fighting to be male or children fighting to be child-like. There is no inequality of genders. Why are we imagining one?

Humans are equal.
Genders are equal
Women, men, transgender, asexual, all are humans. All are equal

Head: How dare you say that? After all that the patriarchy has done to women?! Stopping them from voting, working, even driving? Just because they happened to possess a different set of genitals?

Heart: Yes, certain systems have oppressed women over the years but that does not change their worth. I am not less because I have been troubled or hunted or silenced or imprisoned. In fact, I am more.

No one bothers to oppress or repress what they are superior to.

When Caucasians oppressed and sold Africans, did that make us less than they were? I think not.

Oppression is not the basis of worth.

Head: But women can’t do the things men do. They can’t–

Heart: Pee in bottles?

Head: Not that, they can’t run as fast or jump as high or light as many kilograms.

Heart: Interesting. But neither can most men.

Or people with special needs.
Or people with injuries.
Does that make them less male? Or less human? If I took away some of your abilities would you become less human?

Are you a human being or a human doing?

Besides Serena Williams (and many other women) can run faster than many men, jump higher, lift more and earn more. Does that make her a Superman?

Head: Don’t be silly.

Heart: Silly? I am being reasonable, patient, tolerant and kind.

Head: How so?

Heart: I am painstakingly telling you things you have always known yet wilfully ignores just to make sure your wife serves you pounded yam every afternoon.

Head: Don’t you dare bring that up!

Heart: Why?

Head: Because that is what you F**** do. You disrupt homes, spin society on its head, dishonour authority. Be faraway from me!

Heart: Calm down. It is not that bad. Yes sometimes, we F****** overdo things. And sometimes we do them wrong. But those are mistakes not standards.

The standards are simple: let no human be discriminated against because of gender.

In fact, the standards are so universal we are planning a name change–

Head: A WHAT?!

Heart: A name change. Since F****** has become a taboo word, we formerly known as F****** now wish to be known and addressed as Humanists. (Broad smile)

Head(deep groan): How can you? Haven’t you caused enough trouble already? Must you create an anti- religion now?

Heart: Not really. The word has four meanings. Go with the fourth one.

Head: Which is?

Heart: marked by humanistic values and devotion to human welfare.

Head: That is confusing.

Heart: Yes it is. The entire spectrum of human oppression, sexism,racism, war, famine, and poverty is confusing.

But we can’t stop trying. We have to keep trying. Not to make sense of it, but to stop it. To contain it. To help free people that are suffering because of it.

We can’t look away and pretend it doesn’t exist. We can’t wish it away either. We must do what we can where we are to change the injustices we find around us.

Head: But what about families? What about wives? Would you have them disrespect their husbands? Or would you have women stay single? What is the way for these women empowering ideas to exist within the family structure?

Heart: It is easy. We’ll talk about that tomorrow. Dress up, It is time for work.

I hope you enjoyed the first part of the Gender Conversation. I hope to continue it tomorrow. So please share and come back to read the next part. Many thanks!

The Equality Inquest

Who is afraid of her?
Who is terrified that she will take their place, play their games and usurp their names?

It can’t be a superior
Superiors delight in the glow of a lesser as it casts light up on them.

Not a peer
An equal finds pleasure in a sparring partner worthy of the encounter.

We know now
Who it is.

It is a being unsure of their identity,
A creature of fear.
A dread of what might indeed be,
A jealousy deeper than the Red Sea,
A loser’s war,

Forfeit
as she surges onward
Winning more
More,
More.