Free Pass

You might get a free pass that day when you show Him why you didn’t believe. With many brilliant theorems, arguments and proofs you might convince Him that He couldn’t have been.

I will never be in that place, capable of denying the wonders of His grace. I have seen Him work through my despair, rescue me and answer my prayers. He has touched my flesh and saved my soul, I would sooner deny myself than let that lie be told.

God is real, though our human minds may not have the range or receptors to seek Him out. But in my heart I know without a doubt, His love and mercy found my mouth. You might get a free pass that day but I must testify of what I know, God is real and good to me.


Miracles of Matter

Matter may not be created or destroyed
but it can be changed
     buried in black holes,
it can metamorphose
and reform
Leaf can become caterpillar
Caterpillar, butterfly
Spider, tadpole
Tadpole, toad
Toad, fly.

Matter may not be created or destroyed
but it can do anything in between.

God Seeker

Stop searching
For me in your test tubes
Stop groping for me in your equations
Stop straining your eyes against the stars to catch a glimpse of my existence.

Don’t stand
On the earth I created
And mouth blasphemy

And accept you don’t know it all

Or else make your own planet and your moons

And venture into a galaxy
Of your own

Oh, but leave your earth suit behind
And the breath you borrowed from me.

Pink Or Blue?

When Oma brushed past him without a word, Joshua knew something was wrong. He wanted to hurry after her and ask her what the matter was but his legs felt stiff, so he went to fridge and poured himself some pineapple juice instead.

Sipping from his glass he tried to imagine what could have upset her. He had given her the month’s upkeep. He had serviced her car. He had kissed her on his way out that morning. He was blameless.

So with that, he rose to find his wife and the reason for her annoyance.

Oma was curled up in bed covered with a duvet. The room was quiet but he could see her shoulders rise and fall and he could hear her sniffle. He rushed to her side.

“Oma, are you alright? What is wrong?”

“Leave me alone. Joshua. Leave me alone!”

“You know I’ll never do that, honey. Tell me. What is wrong?”

“Everything. Josh. Everything is wrong. You told me this baby was going to be a boy didn’t you? You refused to try any family balancing options, laughed at all the Chinese calendars and said you knew. Well, I am just back from the hospital and the radiologist says it is a girl. Well done Mr Seer.”

A pool of ice settled in his belly. It couldn’t be. The baby was a boy. His spirit told him so, God told him so. He could still remember the exact words whispered in his spirit.

“You shall have a son and his name will be Prince. He shall eat the good of the land and he shall be a blessing to his family, his country and his generation.”

Now this?

Oma’s sobs grew louder and more distraught, he gathered her into his arms and wiped away the snot and the tears. “It is okay babe. Don’t cry. A son will come.”

“When? Honey? When? Kayla is 6, Marla is 5. I am turning 35 next month. When will I have time to get pregnant again? And how are we supposed to care for another mouth? We wanted 3 children remember? I am tired honey. I prayed, I believed. Why?”

Joshua had never been a talking man, now words eluded him altogether. He adored his daughters, and even now that they were with his parents for the weekend he felt incomplete. He knew Oma had always wanted sons. And though he didn’t share her obsession, he had prayed and God had promised him his next child would be a boy. But now, he wasn’t so sure.

He wasn’t sure at all.

So instead of answering Oma’s questions, he held her and rocked her in his arms till sleep came.

* * *

The next few months were blur. his job as a company secretary had him traveling around the country. Thankfully he had saved his annual leave for July when the baby was due. Despite his schedule he couldn’t help noticing Oma had changed. She was no longer excited about the baby. She stopped buying baby and pregnancy magazines. She walked off when cute baby boys came on screen.

During their daily devotions her prayers were brief, like she was just ticking a register. He hardly saw her study. Nowadays she spent more time sleeping or fiddling with her phone.

In his times of prayer, he reminded God of the words he heard and listened with his whole being for a response. All he ever heard was, “Peace My Son, Fear Not.”

Once while looking for a nail cutter he stumbled on a half-empty baby bag and a list of baby items beside the dresser. “Honey, what is this why haven’t you bought any baby clothes?” Joshua asked.

“There is no need. The baby ll wear what we have.” Oma replied with a hard edge in her voice.

Ignoring her, he took the list and went to get the items himself.

“Pink or blue?” The sales-girl asked holding up two sleep-suit sets. “Or would you prefer green?”

Joshua thought for a while. Dressing a girl in blue would be so drab and might make the child feel unwanted. Every girl deserved pink. Green was doubt. Unbelief in action.

“I’ll have blue. Three sets.”

A week later, Oma’s water broke as she rose from bed. Doctors were on strike so they couldn’t go to the Teaching Hospital where she had registered. A couple of phone calls later they were directed to Shava Specialist Hospital. The lead midwife there spoke to them and told them to hurry, third deliveries were often much faster than previous ones.

As they got closer to the hospital excitement melded with anxiety inside him. This was the first time he was witnessing Oma in labour. Marla was born when he was in Malaysia for a course, Kayla while he was in London for a company meeting. Oma was panting and he had a feeling she felt more pain than she was showing. He found parking space and the orderlies came and took Oma in a wheelchair.

They had discussed it and she had told him she didn’t want him in the room. He was happy to agree. Some of his friends had followed their wives in, the stories weren’t pretty.

So he walked the grounds instead, praying for a safe delivery for Oma and their baby.

The midwife was right, Oma delivered after five hours. Fours hours faster than when she had Marta, six hours faster than when she Kayla.

Joshua held his baby and tears flowed down his face. The baby was so perfect. Pink, healthy, whole, nothing missing. The radiologist was wrong.
He was a boy.

Laughing through his tears, Joshua bowed his head, “Thank you Father. Your Word is final authority. Thank you Lord. In Jesus name.”

“Amen”, Oma intoned as he gathered her into his arms and they held each other, in silent awe of God’s goodness and love.

Bird Watching

The first time I knew He answered prayers was when I was six years old.
I loved birds and I wanted to gaze at them in awe, but they always flew away. 😦
I told my mother I wanted a bird to build a nest on a lamp by our door
step. That way I would look as long as I wanted and they would have nowhere to hide.
Mom told me to pray. “Only God can do that.”
I prayed. Many nights and days.
One morning Mom woke me up and dragged me outside.
I blinked and gawked.
There on the lamp was a nest. With three chicks and two parent birds.
They stayed there till we moved. I looked till I was full.
Even now, decades later, I
Remember that day.
Especially when people say there is no God.
God is real. I am a witness.
He answered my prayers when I wasn’t even a Christian.
He can answer yours too.
God bless you.

No Retreat

Cold grips
Of things lost
That will never be
Dreams that now
Useless as broken shells,
That flutter
As homeless trapped birds,
That refuses to leave,
Wedged on my heart
Like a ball of clay
That wont surrender,
Daring amidst the wreck
To see a brighter future
That won’t die,
But will try, try, try.


To hunger for something
You can’t name,
To feel a want
So deep
So incomplete,
That you want to scream,
Giving all for a tribe
That can’t see it,
Risking all for
Trophies that fade,
What’s the point?
Is this life?
Hustle, labour
Work and die?
There must be
Something better
Can’t just be this,
Fighting against Time,
Struggling against Fate,
If this is all, wasn’t it a waste?
Deep inside
A little voice says
“Look to me, I’ll lead the way”
Resigned, I surrender,
Let the reins
Be Yours,
Dear Comforter,
Wrap your arms around me,
Soothe my thirst
Fill my hunger,
Love me Lord
And lead me
To your Rest.